Sorry Sorry Sorry....

Hey followers sorry i didn't post last night. I had something all written up but the sign kinda went down by the time I went to publish the posting the sight went down. IT's ok though cause I really didn't have much to say... Yesterday was nothing special. Talk to you guys tonight!

Oh The Pain! Oh The Humanity! Oh Momma's Home Cooking....

Today I had my hip injection and let me just say I never ever ever EVER want to do that again.

I spent an hour in the VA parking lot trying to find a parking space. The parking space was in the VERY back of the parking lot and it is quite a long walk when it's 115 degrees outside with a bum hip. I finally get into the office and find the room. They tried to tell me that I needed to get blood drawn again. I told them that I had gotten it done yesterday so at least i didn't have to do that again. I get into the room and I lay down on the tab while the nurse lady got everything ready. When the doctor came in he didn't seem to nice at all. That is not an understatement. His bed side manner would piss off the devil. I put up with it though because i figured the procedure would help. He started by sticking me with Lidocaine which hurt A LOT then it went, kind of, numb. Then he stuck me with another needle in my hip and took an x-ray to make sure it was in the correct spot... Guess what? It wasn't. It took him 3 more times to get it right and it hurt every single time. i was clinching the bed by my head and screaming it hurt so f-ing bad even with the Lidocaine! I suffered through it and then hobbled my broken ass back to my car and drove home.... I haven't been able to walk around since. I feel like an old person who's lost their walker... My hip hurts so unbelievably bad that now it isn't just the front of my hip that hurts but all the way around to the back of my hip right into my butt. My mom said that after the first day it will feel better. But I am having a hard time believing that. I really hope she's right though. I can't afford to go through this pain again. Because of it I can't work out... I can't even swim without it hurting... I need to work out. This is not an option. I am getting rid of my kangaroo pouch one way or another and this hip thing is not helping the cause.

Other than that, I still get connor this weekend. I have my plane ticket to NV for monday. I have even talked with my ex about getting connor for my great grandma Mary's birthday party the weekend of 13Aug. And Luke said he would be coming with me too.

After tomorrow, I will have no more appointments for the week. I will be packing for NV on Thursday. I just wish the rest of the week would hurry along... Friday-Sunday can go slow, I don't want to fast forward through my time with Connor of course. Good thing I will be leaving first thing Monday morning and it is only a 3 hour plane ride. Because I am feeling totally impatient.

Now I smell my momma's cooking so I've said all I need to say. I'm starving and it smells amazing so this concludes my nightly posting. I've covered the 'oh the pain' part, the 'oh the humanity' part and now I have successfully covered the 'oh momma's home cooking' part... time to enjoy

The Good, The Bad, And The Nerve Racking

I am staying at my mother's house for the week. I had blood drawn today as pre-procedure to my appointment tomorrow. What is the appointment you might ask? Well, the medical professionals and the VA Hospital are going to stick two gigantic needles into my left hip joint. Why? Because apparently the cartilage and tendon things in my hip aren't functioning properly. So what they are going to do is inject me with a steroid and a long lasting anesthetic. They say that the steroid will help my hip to rebuild what it can and to take away the pain and the anesthetic will give the steroid time to work. Honestly, I have my doubts. I have had steroid injections in my hip and knee before and they worked for about 2 weeks. The doctor's say that if this doesn't work, the next stop is surgery. I will be 22 years old on saturday. 22 years old and I might need hip surgery. What if this doesn't work? What if I do need surgery? What if the surgery doesn't work? If it doesn't work I will never be able to play on the playground with my son. I can not afford to be a 22 year old cripple. I'm not going to lie, the Army taught me to be strong, and I'm not scared of much. But I am afraid of this. I am so afraid that I.... I don't even know how to explain this fear.

I'm told that I should change the topic. So change the topic I shall. I'm flying to Reno, NV. on the fourth. I am spending 2 weeks there. I'm not exactly sure what I will be doing most of the time. I know that there is going to be a fourth of July party at Luke's parents lake cabin and that at some point during the trip I am going to Friday night Smackdown. But other than that I am not sure. At least I will be spending it with luke.

On Friday, I am picking Connor up in Prescott. I get him for my birthday at least. This will be my first birthday since being in the military. All of my so called friends are too busy, they say, or they are out of state. Funny, even though I'm not in the Army anymore, I still get an Army birthday. The ones i care about most aren't in the same state as me and are too busy to visit. Once again, My mother is the only person who pulls through for me. Although, I should give my grandmother and grandfather some props. She did tell me that she is sending me a card and she is paying for my plane ticket. I could never say anything ill about my grandparents. They have always been there for me and all of the other grandchildren. I owe everything to them, and for as long as i live i will try to pay them back even though they tell me that I don't have to... My step sister invited me to Pine Top with her and the rest of the family. I give them and A for effort.

At the end of the day I guess i should be thankful for what little things I have. However small, however meaningless they may seem, there are probably others with much much less than I. So, I will end this posting... Because I really have nothing else to talk about at the moment. And for once I will not end this posting with my posting title. I will simple end with....

To Be Continued.......

Happy Early Birthday, My Love...... NOT

Today I had a talk with Luke. He was Supposed to be on his way home last night WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT HE FUCKING TOLD ME!!! And before that he was supposed to be home in time for my party last night... Guess what? No show. I spent Half the night Either pissed off or crying because he was being a dick and a half. Definitely not the way to spent a party at all. I then learn today that he will not be coming home until after my 2 week stay in Reno, NV. which I leave on the 4th for reno.... So guess what Luke gets to do.... He gets to miss my goddamn birthday on the 2nd. He gets to NOT take my to my appointment for my hip and back this week and also gets to party and get free shit in Reno because his brother runs a high class bar/restaurant there.... Oh but he misses me like crazy.... but doesn't call, or txt, or ANYTHING. I'm always the one initiating the fucking conversation and I'm sorry if my swearing offends any readers but THEY ARE JUST WORDS TO EMPHASIZE THE LEVEL OF ANGERY AND HATRED I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW WHICH IS WHY THIS SENTENCE IS IN CAPITALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I literally feel a burning fire in my chest and feel that breaking stuff would make me feel better. But alas, I will not. 1: Because I have a lot of expensive stuff in my house that I don't want to have to replace and 2: because I feel that right now, Luke isn't worth my goddamn time. If he can't pick up the phone and call me and wants to make excuses to stay in Reno instead of telling me "hey honey, I'm going to stay in reno for a month and a half. But I will fly you out here for the fourth of July." Then i don't want to fucking talk to him EITHER (P.S. the capitals mean i'm yelling really really loud.... Just, not OUT loud...)

He knew i needed him here for my appointment and yes they are both appointments to determine if I need surgery. But he jimmied his way out of those... AFTER he has been telling me for the past WEEK "Yes dear i'm leaving tomorrow. Oh no baby i don't feel good i'll leave tomorrow. THey found something else wrong with my car I'll leave tomorrow." What he should have said before he left was "Hey babe, I'm going to Reno. I'm going to see my son for a week. Then i'm going to make up excuses not to come back for a extra month. And by the way, I'm gonna leave you hanging so you'll have to be depressed at your house warming party (which out of all of my friends that i invited the only person that showed up was my mom and stepdad.) you're going to have to scramble to find a ride to your surgery appointments and to pick up your son. I'm also going to miss your 22nd birthday because, well, because even though i love you, I'm not going to try to hard to get home to you. I'm actually not going to call you to much to let you know that i'm safe and thinking about you. I'm not going to text you either. Instead I'm going to say that i'm not getting them every time i actually do talk to you and when i do text i wont answer your questions about what i'm doing or when i will be home. Instead, i will only tell you that i am really sorry , even though i'm not, and tell you that i love you with all of my heart. Because if i say those 2 things then you will automatically forgive me for missing all this important stuff that i said i will be there for because your mind is so simplistic that you wont know what else to do."
Well, GUESS WHAT! I am hating you with all the fires and hideous passions of HELL!!! Why? BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FUCKING BOYFRIEND AND SHOULD DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU SAY YOU ARE GOING TO DO!!! Miss me a lot do you? YEAH FUCKING RIGHT. I swear to the gods that you will feel my pain. One way or another, you WILL feel my pain. And you know what. I'll make you feel said pain near YOUR next birthday. That way i can do, pretty much, the exact same thing you are doing to me... Happy Early Birthday, My love..... NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another Day.... Not Another Dollar...

What can I say about today? Well, I did yard work all day. I passed out from the heat which is ALWAYS awesome... NOT. Woke up laying in a gopher hole which is even more awesome.... After all of that i came inside and cleaned my house for our house warming party tomorrow.

I also got a text message from my super awesome boyfriend... He told me that we have FRONT ROW RING SIDE SEATS, let me say that again, FRONT ROW RING SIDE SEATS to go to Smackdown in Reno, NV in July. Needless to say, he is back on my good side. OH AND he got us backstage V.I.P. passes with free drinks all night. Oh hell yea I get to meet Randy Orton!!!!!!!! I am so freaking excited that I think I might explode. But through all of the good and awesome news I get bad news. Luke went to pick up his car today so he could come back home and found out that his car was delayed one more day because he has a broke piston ring. Yes yes I am upset. I actually almost started crying. My eyes teared up and everything. But I didn't cause big girls don't cry.... But they almost do. ha ha ha. He said he would be home in time for the party but i wanted him home one week ago.

And so yes it was another day in paradise. Another day but not another dollar....

Thursday Night Lights

Tonight is not as bad as last night was. Luke has actually called today, but only to tell me that President Obama was at my old duty station (Fort Drum, NY) giving a speech and saying something about how the 10th mountain division is the highest deployed unit in the U.S. Army. Truth be told... I voted for McCain and I am not ashamed of my decision at all and I would definitely make it again. No offense to those of you who did vote for Obama. Anyway, back on track. Yes, Luke called today and actually spoke to me. If only for a few seconds it was all I needed to feel better. Yes, females are strange and complicated creatures. You just have to learn to deal and blah blah blah.

So the plan for tonight? Going to visit my friend Skyla in surprise. Gonna have a drink or two and play some pool under these hot Arizona Thursday night lights...

To Be Continued.....

Boys are stupid, Throw rocks at them....

Here is the back story:
I have been dating this guy for 6 months. His name is Luke and he is everything I could have ever asked for. He is an EMT, has his own car, a mouth full of teeth, drug free, drinks rarely, and is stable. He also is 23 years old and has a son who lives in Nevada. He is my rock, my other half, and visa versa.

Here is the current story:
Luke left for Nevada last Wednesday(June 15, 2011) to visit his son while his ex is out of town. He was supposed to return on June 19th. But since it was father's day and he got his son for an extra day he stayed another day. (Now, before I get too deep into this story, we txt and call each other ALL THE TIME and when I say, "all the time" I mean ALL THE TIME!!!)

The day he left he called saying that he was on his way out of state. He texted me saying he crossed into Nevada, called me when he crossed the new bridge in Nevada, sent me a picture message of the gateway to Reno, NV. But once he got to his final destination the text messages nearly stopped. He called ONCE over a span of 6 days and he called when he knew I was at the movie with my parents and unable to answer my phone. When I asked if he would call in the morning he said that he would and never did. Same thing happened when I asked if he would call before he laid down to sleep. Then when I finally get a phone call, it was to tell me that he was having car trouble and that he didn't know when he would be home. It is now Wednesday, June 23rd. I have heard nothing from him. No calls, No text messages, No e-mails or instant messages, No nothing. I will admit, at first I just thought that I was being paranoid and over thinking everything. But the more people I talk to about it, the more that people say that there is something not right.

Is it really so hard to pick up the phone (which I believe is surgically attached to his anatomy) and send me a simple text message saying, "Hey, I am still in Nevada. My car was fixed. I plan on heading back to Arizona in the morning" or "Hey, I am still alive." I DON'T THINK SO!!!! Why does it take me having to initiate the conversation to find out if my significant other is alive or not. I went to war. I have seen first had that horrible things happen in this world to the most innocent of people. I have also learn that when you enter a monogamous relationship that you keep your mate in the loop. Just because you leave the state does not mean you cut contact.

You know that saying, "hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn"? Well I have some serious wrath built up from this experience and guess who is the recipient of it... oh yea... It is a male human being by the name of Luke and guess what... this woman is a registered lethal weapon and the 'lethal' part was capitalized. So someone better pray for that boy because when he gets here he will be begging for the devil to save him.

This is why boys are stupid and we should throw rocks at them.